Paula, a former service user, explores how making lists helps her to stay well.
An important part of keeping well can be list-making. Making lists of things to do puts us in control of our lives. It’s astonishing how such a simple exercise transfers power to us from the chaos outside our lives.
For people with a mental health difficulty, stability can come to us helped through the concreteness and practicality of list-making. Information can go around and around in our heads, because our thoughts can be unstructured, if we don’t make lists. This happens many people, even those who have never experienced a mental health difficulty. The very nature of a mental health difficulty, however, is frequently a thought disorder. This means that, often, thinking logically and coherently can seem an impossibility to someone who is going through mental ill-health. Making lists is such a huge aid, because it doesn’t require a visit to a doctor or the opinion of a friend. We have all we need: paper and a pen. There are no time constraints, deadlines, or other pressures. All that’s required is the little bit of discipline to sit down and start your list.
My experience
I know about this because it happened to me. Every time, virtually, that I wanted to think in a straight line, I couldn’t. For example, if I wanted to plan my day, my thoughts went around and around so that I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t stop thinking about a particular thing that worried me. My thoughts would go over and back, like a merry-go-round. I was lost in my thoughts. I couldn’t understand how other people could think in a straight line. Every day, I would lose precious hours in this dead-end exercise. I would think and think, but mostly I couldn’t reach a solution or reach a conclusion. I was over-thinking.
This meant that I got very little done in my day. If I was worrying about something, I couldn’t be thinking about or doing something else. I needed to be doing something else: I needed to be cooking, or walking, or talking to people. I had to stop from doing the things I wanted, because I was unable to carry them out because my mind was so busy with my thoughts.
I was worrying about things that mostly didn’t happen, and this still didn’t stop me from worrying. I fell prey to this every day. I couldn’t plan, do or undertake things if I was absorbed in worrying thoughts. I also couldn’t live in the present moment. Lots of things passed me by.
It’s important to understand that we don’t have to remain like this. We can break the worry habit: we need to unlearn the habit. We can break the habit by developing a new habit – thinking in a different way and replacing our worried thoughts with other thoughts. List-making is a good place to start!
To-do lists
Let’s think practically now about how our lists shape up. We can start off with one list, for example, a ‘to-do’ list. This is a good starting point. Millions of people the world over make a to-do list each day. These can begin with the first thing that comes to mind; for example, ‘call the doctor and make an appointment’. Once you begin a to-do list, the ideas often come tumbling out. In the space of a few minutes, you can have a list of everything you need to do for the entire day. What a delight!
Read the list again, and see if there is anything you forgot to add, putting it in now. Next, prioritise your list. Maybe make a second list, putting the items in order, beginning with the most important and ending with the least important.
Most of the items on your to-do list will be personal to you, and only you can do them, such as ‘go to the hairdresser’, ‘get my flu jab’, or ‘go to the dentist’. Other items can sometimes be carried out by a friend, family member or spouse if needed, such as ‘pick up the children from school’ or ‘do a supermarket shop’. If you find it easier, when doing your priority list, you could even include the items other people can do on that list. This takes the worry away from you, but means you are still in charge. No one is perfect, and no one is always well, so don’t beat yourself up mentally because you can’t do what you want to do, or can’t feel as you would want to feel.
Often the things on your ‘to-do’ list can flow on to the next day. For example, you may have three items on your list that you didn’t get done the day before that you need to do today. Further to that, you may also add on five new items for today. This means you have a total of eight items to do today.
I like to start my ‘to-do’ list on a Monday, and finish it on a Friday, taking the weekend off. Like me, you might find that being organised during the week often means that you have a lovely weekend lined up. For example, you might put add a note about contacting friends during the week to your to-do list; by the weekend, the friends you contacted are looking forward to meeting up. This means that your list-making has made you organised, and has set your social life in action. Already you are starting to see the benefits of your list-making. The benefits can be so great that any drudgery you felt about knuckling down to actually make out your lists pales into insignificance.
Benefits of making lists
Achievement
It’s unimportant how many of the items on your to-do list you actually get done. The important thing is that you made out the list, and got some of the things done. It can reduce your anxiety and hugely contribute to your quality of life to be involved in, and doing, the ordinary, everyday chores and duties that everyone has to do.
Perhaps you had 10 things on your list, and got five items done: that is an amazing achievement. If you are a person who has been or is unwell, and you get three or four things done, that is fantastic. It means that your list-making is working for you. As time goes on, you will get more and more of your to-do list done in any one day.
Structure and organisation
The beauty of list-making is that it can make you organised, forward-thinking and practical. It puts you in the driving seat.
List-making can put structure on our day. And how do we get this structure? Begin at the beginning: make out a list first thing in the morning, every morning. Whether your list has two things on it or 10, you will know straight away what you need to do that day. In a sense, writing down what you need to do takes the thoughts from your head and puts them on paper, so your mind is freed up. Now, you can think in a straight line, even for a few minutes.
As you become expert at making out your to-do list, you will most likely find it starts getting longer each day. This is good news. It means that you are getting more organised and getting more done in any average day than you used to. It also means your thoughts are becoming more sewn together; you will have more insights and ideas about how to complete the items on your list.
Remember, it’s possible to dig into other areas of your life and apply list-making to them also. For example, you can make out a list of questions for your consultant, and any significant others in your life. Also, ahead of Christmas or birthdays in your family or social circle, list-making ensures that no one is forgotten, even if it means only having to buy and send a card.
Problem-solving
Let’s return to how brilliantly list-making breaks the cycle of worry, temporarily. It is a problem-solver. It helps you to see what you need to do and reminds you to do it. Number your to-do list. Then, when you do something from the list, you can mark it off as having been done. The list gets smaller and smaller, as you get more and more done.
As time goes by, you become better and better at getting things done, and less and less prone to worry. Who among us never worries? No one. The important thing is to begin to stop worrying more than you worry.
Positivity
Couple your list-making with positive thoughts. See yourself in your mind’s eye as being well and happy. See yourself smiling. Give yourself every possibility to succeed in breaking the worry habit, by persevering with your list-making. Even if you feel unwilling or unable to keep making lists, keep making them anyway! ou will be surprised and delighted at how much you will get done, and how happy this will make you feel. Keep going!
Get advice from your doctor or consultant on how to become involved in courses that train you to live in the present moment. This is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Consider enrolling in a mindfulness course, if you haven’t already done one, for example. There are few things as radical and life-altering, as learning to be worry-free and to live in the present moment. This can happen for you, too, even if you don’t believe it right now.
Connection
Be open to having other people involved in carrying out your tasks, giving advice, or making suggestions about how a thing should be done when they may know more about it than you do. Using the example of buying a car, let’s imagine that your friend works in a garage, and can offer the best advice. Now your list-making has involved someone else, and has bettered your situation. This is a real victory for you for making out your to-do list, keeping to it, and being open to what the world can offer. It also puts you in the space where other people are; people who are involved in their own lives, but are open to what blessings the world can offer. You purchased your car, helped by your list and your friend. No mean feat: well done.
Confidence
As you progress with your to-do list, you will find your impressions coming together and giving rise to ideas – good ideas – on how to improve your life, and the quality of that life. The things you have accomplished or are doing every day will give you confidence and bring you further along the road of where you want to go with your life. Your list-making will become part of the heavy artillery of your life. It will become your strength, the daily reminder that you are in charge, even if, at first, you doubt yourself and the whole process.
Awareness
List-making can bring you to a place where you have supervision over your life and how you live it. It can bring you insight and awareness, all because you took the time to knuckle down each day and make out your to-do list. I am always glad when I have done it, and I think you will be too.
Paula is a member of our Service User and Supporters Council (SUAS). All views and opinions expressed here are the author’s own.
